How many times have I been here?
Waiting it out…fighting the war.
Dug in so deep I forgot where I started digging.
Days seem ancient and forgone, thinking back.
Countless hours spent in a close-quarters grudge match,
Me vs. me. The paramount conflict.
Fight. Pray. Read. Fight. Fast. Pray. Give in. Trust. Weep. Pain. Loss. Fight. Pray. Remember the fight is won. Trust. Pray. Read. Study. Fight. Win. Fight again. Pray-read-fight-repeat.
Somewhere in there…I forgot Your Face.
I made the fight the focal matter.
Oh how I am reminded of sheer weakness on my part,
And the lunacy of detachment.
You are the object of my worship, my service, my study, my prayer….
Let it be said here again that YOU ARE ALL I NEED.
The audacity to trust implicitly,
In Your peerless historicity.
That You are good and there is none like You in heaven or on the Earth.
That You are super-victorious anti-mayhem in my puny life.
That I can rest in You when no temporal rest can be found.
I am post-emotionality. I am crushed but not destroyed.
Supplies are dismal. Gusto is minimal. Anger in optional.
On my part…no might, no power…only Your Spirit now beckons faith.